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It ain’t easy being...queer!
Wednesday, 22 April 2009.
Originally from express article 22 April 2009
By Di from Auckland Community Alcohol and Drug Services (CADS)
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| Diana Rands from CADS. |
Last night I had a 10 minute slot talking to the gorgeous gurls at aLBa (Auckland Lesbian Business Association). I did my regular spiel about higher alcohol and other drug use in our queer communities – and in particular the higher alcohol use of lesbians.
The question came up – why is our substance use greater?
Part of the answer is that for many of us, the primary place to meet others are gay bars, night clubs etc.
Most of the answer lies in the fear, hatred and misinformation in the world about what it is to be queer i.e. heterosexism, homophobia and transphobia. I do not need to be telling Express readers how this manifests for us – how it impacts of all aspects of our lives, starting with our families, our friends and our working lives.
No wonder many of us use alcohol and other drugs to cope with being queer in a straight world. We are also vulnerable to other addictive behaviours – gambling, shopping even and sex addiction. All these behaviours are defined as addictive, when people persist in them despite the negative consequences to themselves and others. Internalised homophobia can be behind this self destructive path.
So what can we do? I think the greatest gift we can give our young people grappling with their sexual orientation or gender identity is... Ourselves! Yes, I am doing a ‘Harvey Milk’ here – come out, come out – where ever you are!
If a young person is wondering what it means to be gay – shouldn’t we be the ones to show them how very functional and fabulous we are?
We are ones to counters the myths, demonstrating we:
- take great care of our children
- are professional
- have integrity and morals
- have fulfilling relationships
- represent the whole spectrum of what it is to be human
- can make great role models.
This was highlighted for me in an article about addressing sexual compulsivity/addiction in chemically dependent gay men. The researchers found that behaviour that was initially thought of as ‘sex addiction’ was a response to shame and guilt about being gay. In fact for some men there was an expectation that compulsive sexual behaviour was a requirement of being gay! Drugs were used to support this sexual activity and reduce feelings of shame. Progress was made when men worked through what it means to be gay e.g. ‘coming out’ and the attached emotions.
We are the ones who can make a difference – it may not be easy – but it is so worthwhile!
If you have concerns about your own or someone else's alcohol or other drug use, or you’re concerned about someone else contact CADS on 845 1818 or www.cads.org.nz. If you live outside Auckland contact Alcohol and Drug Helpline 0800 787 797.
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